How to Get What You Want Out of Your Relationship

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Sep 4 '20 | By Broosis | Views: 171 | Comments: 0
How to Get What You Want Out of Your Relationship

For happiness, we want our physical and emotional needs to be fulfilled. Getting touched, sex, and feeling emotionally connected have a huge effect on our physical health, life expectancy, and our overall happiness.

It acts like a second immune system by lowering stress levels. We become angry, resentful, and detached as a result of not having shared our needs, and not having them addressed. We might have a hard time realizing our needs, and when we do so, we might face difficulty in expressing them. Which makes us wonder why needs are so hard to express?

The answer is shame. We have an innate fear of rejection, which we try to avoid, and we act out of this fear by being shameful. As we grow up, we are often shamed by our elders for expressing our needs. This shapes us in an unhealthy way.

This taught us that our needs are not significant, and they are rather a burden. Also, other people’s needs trump our own.

If we cannot realize and convey our own needs, we are unlikely to get what we want. Suppressing our needs and or not having them met, results in resentment, which has the power to kill a relationship.

We can instead teach our children to notice and express their own needs, but also that they cannot always have what they want. This would show that they and their needs have value.

Exploring your needs is the first step towards clarity. If you feel frustrated, that is usually because of unmet needs. Hence, frustration acts like a sign for unmet needs, and there are some other emotions as well that act the same way. So, focus on how you feel and your bodily sensations.

Follow the signals and note your needs. Express them to your partner for a better understanding and communication. Expect and encourage your partner to do the same, hence creating an air of positive give and take. Do not be disheartened if your needs are not met even after you shared them with your loved one. Sometimes this disappointment creates more closeness when you sit and listen to each other, showing empathy, understanding, and acceptance.

“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.” 

Gloria Steinem

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